Tote Bags

Do you ever sit at home and think about tote-ally foolish things? Like, whether a television show called RuPaul’s Bag Race where all the world’s bags get dressed up in drag and waltz around is a good idea?

Alright, we’re going to be honest with you from the get-go. We’re tote-ally going to overuse the pun tote-ally in this tote-ally jolly bit of content that is tote-ally not intended to help our search rankings. Tote-ally.

C’mon. It’s low-hanging fruit. And you know what they say about low-hanging fruit. Pick them up and throw them at your sister until she’s so annoyed at you that she gives you the bigger room because you both still live at home even though you’re thirty-five and married (to each other), with two children.

Phew. Back to totes. You’d probably agree that tote bags were an after-thought for decades. Now, they’re highly sought-after for all the right reasons. They’re no longer just those things you get for free with your stress ball, jelly beans, and pen that stops working as soon as you take it home.

Of course, canvas tote bags are a practical way to hold your thingamajigs and knickknacks. But they’re also a blank canvas for ultimate self-expression. Cue Threadheads. We’ve got thousands of cool designs printed on cool tote bags in black, natural canvas, pink, and even petrol blue. Wowza.

These things are so cool that David Beckham would name his next cologne ‘Tote-ally Beckham by David Beckham’. These things are so cool that Morgan Freeman might consider stepping down as the man with the world’s best voice. We’re just saying: they’re pretty cool.

To many of you, a tote bag is a way to show off your vibrant (or dull) personality. For example, if you’re a butt scratcher, you’d probably have a tote with ‘butt scratcher’ emblazoned across its canvas exterior.

If you’re heading on an expedition to the roughest part of the cosmos where squirrel monkeys with pitchforks marinate your buttocks, this is also the bag you need. Why?

Well. It has reinforced shoulder straps which means these totes can comfortably hold your dignity without wear and tear. We understand some of you might not have dignity, so these canvas tote bags can probably hold most thingamajigs. And they’re also 100% cotton canvas and ethically sourced, which means wherever you go, you can rub it in everyone’s face that you’re better than them.

Not literally. Unless you own a cat. A cat which you transport around in a tote bag. And said cat decided to leave its canvas-tote-bag abode. So, in that case, the cat is certainly out of the canvas tote bag. If you intend to transport your cat in a Threadheads tote bag, just make sure you do it in a tote bag with a cat printed on it. For one, it makes sense. And also, it’s just downright funny.

It’s all well and good to write a bunch of random, albeit hilarious, poppycock about tote bags. But what are people actually saying about our totes?

Apparently, Dean might’ve been heading into some turbulent waters with his relationship, but our tote bags saved the day:

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ’Kept me in the good books’ - Dean T. (’Couldn’t be happier with the quality of the product and my partner loved them.’)

They don’t call us Thread ‘Relationship Rescuer’ Heads for no reason. Well. No one calls us that.

And apparently, Kat thought our tote bags were bigger than expected. We wish that was always the case:

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ‘Such great quality! Love this tote! Fabric is so good. Bigger than I thought (fits a big laptop and all my stationery and books) and super fun design.’

As a final note, we’d just like to make it clear that if you need a bag for the ‘untz untz,’ these tote bags are probably not the droids you’re looking for, trooper. You might want to stick to your grossly overpriced shoulder bag that rhymes with poochy.

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